From: Jean Dorsey

Dear Dad,

Since you died, I have likened it to a door in my heart.

The very fact of your death has been kept behind the door.

Over time, I have gone through stages.

At first I knew it was there, but I didn’t look at it.

After a while I was able to acknowledge the door,
but that was it. There have been moments when I
have been able to look through the peep hole.

But I haven’t really opened the door yet.

I can’t.

There have been things that I can hold on to that make it
easier to deal with your death. First, the month leading
up to you dying was filled with so much love.
To see your face when you found out how many people

had been visiting you while you were intubated was a memory
I will hold close. It was amazing to see your face
when you saw how loved you were.

Also, to know that you will not fall deeper in to the horrors
of Alzheimer’s is a gift to us all.

I am so thankful that you were here to see me marry Drew.
That you know I married a loving man is so special to me.
That you set that bar so high is, too.

Thanks for that.

And I am beyond thankful you were still here to meet
my babies. They all love you so much. To hear each
of their special memories of you gives

me so much joy.

But, really, I am still a bit mad, and so sad that you are gone.

I cry at such random moments. They come hard and fast,
and take my breath away. I see you in the kids. Especially Declan.

His gentleness and love of nature are constant reminders of you.

To think that I will most likely live more of my life without you
here than I did with you here is staggering. I miss you so much.

Thank you for being my Daddy.

I love you.

Flower